"There are all kinds             of love                 in the world,               but never           the same love twice." pictures. more pictures! thank you, pitas. archives 2006 // starting over. 2005 // too many endings. // packed away. // the longest february. 2004 // infinite possibilities. // heightened senses. // orchid thief. // tough like watermelon. // amplified aching. // a song i used to love. 2003 // driving. // last song. // breathe. // revisitinghome. // happy endings. // better luck. // scatterbrained. // lovefool. 2002 // unprepared. // cups of coffee. // the outcome. // moving in. // leaving. // milestones. // unyielding. // gloomy. // bridge. // voice. 2001 // snowfall. // thunderstorm. // awkward. // broken. // change. // lucky. // kiss. // original. // busy. // crush. // sparkle. // shine. 2000 // wish. // mistake. // tragedy. // please. // complicated. // lather. // rinse.

blast from the past! Friday, September 18, 2009 // 11:53 p.m. i really can't believe i'm back, a few years later, and writing from china of all places. what can i tell you? i'm in love, i'm engaged, and i'm happy for the most part. it's actually a bit heartbreaking to go on here and read what i've written before, rediscover my old self and past adventures. it's weird to think about mike and how much he broke my heart. the last time we were in touch was last september, when the hurricane hit houston and he sent me a message asking if i was alright. i was, of course, and i told him so...and then quickly ended it with a "take care" and no other questions asked. i have to admit that when i opened the message, my heart was pounding out of my chest and i didn't think i'd survive it. how do you get back in touch with someone who has hurt you so many times, with no explanation for why? it's almost impossible to do it with no feeling. but i tried to feign it, so as to keep him out of my life. self-preservation, back again. but yes, i'm engaged, and he is a good guy. enough bad guys have taught me that the key is to choose someone who, in the beginning, loves you more than you love him. the reason? not ego, but nature. i have a hunch that for women, you can grow to love someone. and by nature, we are caring, maternal, extra-considerate--all the things that men don't tend to be unless they are really head-over-heels for someone. and what can i say? he is head-over-heels for me, and i've grown to feel that way about him too. he takes care of me, and he is sweet to me in a way that assures me that his love will remain, even when we're old and wrinkled. i am lucky to have him. i will say that without a doubt. still, a tiny, insignificant part of me wonders about what could have been. what if he hadn't broken my heart all those times? what if i wasn't in a relationship when he checked up on me last year? ...would i have been smart enough, or strong enough, to do the same thing and blow him off? what's he doing now, and does he still think about me? is he still that charming asshole he used to be? would i even know him anymore? useless questions to ask. what's done is done, and i'm sure i'm better off.