sleep all day.
Wednesday, July 23, 2003 // 12:47 p.m.
i was so excited to tell you that i am going to try to get to 100 miles before i leave for school. i calculated it out on sunday, you see, after a bit of prodding from annie, and i decided that i would try to run about 4 miles a day till i reached my goal.
and then, on monday, as i was starting my 4th lap around the stadium, i fell down a flight of metal stairs and then the concrete stairs that follow it. hahahahahaha. so funny, right? actually, i laughed about it at first, but then i realized that i couldn't feel my left foot at all, and my ankle had swollen up to the size of a baseball. the gashes on my right leg were white at first, then started gushing with blood. uh huh. pretty girl. woot woo. :D
a mr.lopez (what a nice guy!) helped me up and walked me to my car, and i drove home. only ten minutes i got home, doan came home and took me to the doctor.
sparing you the other messy details, i am now bedridden but rather proficient with the crutches. it's kind of nice, i've been able to start reading the new harry potter book, and i can catch up on any missed sleep. and i can do things that i wouldn't have had time to do before. so i think it'll be ok. it just gets a little lonely, and it sucks that i won't be able to walk for a while. besides that, i am ok if not a little overly emotional. yesterday, while watching music videos, i sobbed during "where is the love", laughed my ass off at "girls and boys", and then continued to cry even harder during "flying without wings". hahaha. what the hell's wrong with me?! i swear it's the medication. though advil has never done this to me before... :D have a good week, ya'll. and in the wise words of mystikal, "shake ya ass, but watch yo self." mmhmm. watch yo self, indeed.

to the windooooow..!
Sunday, July 20, 2003 // 04:54 p.m.
hahaha. been listening to far too much hip hop these days. not that there's anything wrong with it, it's just that i get more obnoxious than usual when i get into it. ;D
bowling yesterday was pretty fun, although it sort of lagged in the beginning i guess. yes, we are definitely all habitual latecomers. oh well. fun times, and then afterwards we picked up "punch drunk love" and some ice cream (big fat bucket!) before heading to my house to crash. i didn't think it was too great of a movie, but the cinematography was interesting, and i liked how it made you so aware of the music. besides that, i would have to say that it's my least favorite adam sandler movie.
being with old friends can take a lot out of you. my horoscope said to let go of old grudges, though i'm not sure how it tied in with yesterday. i guess you can say i haven't been "feelin it" these past couple of days. heh. i need less time to think about how unproductive i've been and just get things done instead of crying about it. :p what kind of an end to a summer is this?! rar.
last call.

it's good.
Thursday, July 17, 2003 // 10:05 p.m.
just came back from watching "bruce almighty" with tuyen and kenneth. thanks guys :) it was fun, and of course, always a pleasure to sing at the top of my lungs with you guys. in kenneth's pimp g-ride. :D
a night out is refreshing, especially if i come home early enough to get some ice cream without feeling too guilty about it. :)
michelle and i have been doing pilates again, and today we switched it up a bit to do yoga. so nice. better than a nap. :) very invigorating and i think i'm a little more positive. hehe. we've been running and swimming all week, so my mileage now is about 54 miles. sweet! heh. i probably won't hit 100 before school starts, but i'm glad that i've tried different forms of exercise this summer. :)
work tomorrow. possibly the beach? then bowling on saturday. be there or be square. :D

pokity poke poke.
Thursday, July 17, 2003 // 01:53 p.m.
crapload of things to do! two weeks left! ahh!
btw, friendster is scary. but the ultimate way to reconnect with everyone you talked to in high school. heh.
crazy, huh?

distance.
Tuesday, July 15, 2003 // 10:12 p.m.
in a feeble attempt, i am scrambling to finish everything i need to do before i leave...including seeing people while i still can.
i'm writing an article for usc's asian-american newspaper, bamboo offshoot...about freshman experiences. i've asked a lot of different people what they would write about, and i've gotten a variety of replies. one of the saddest ones, i guess, was the suggestion to write about "how 80% of the relationships you develop in high school fail." ouch. i dunno. is it true?
i guess it's hard to say that the first year of college is the test of friendship. because it's understandable for friends to drift apart while you're so far away. and it might not really be anybody's fault. maybe it's that first summer you get back from college.
on a lighter note, i've started running a little more. on sunday, loi so graciously invited me to go run at the track with him, and i ended up getting my ass kicked. hehe. :D it's ok, i mean, it was a good kick in the face to remind me that i need to get back into shape. so i've started training again, and today i gave my muscles a break by doing pilates and swimming. good stuff. michelle and i hope to get back into the groove of things, the whole swimming/running/pilates thing we had going on before. and maybe then i can beat loi. just like it was meant to be ;)
my mood is unpredictable lately. but i promise that if you call i'll be happy. :)

make it a note to take your time, they begged.
take baby steps to everywhere,
and come home in one piece to us.
you know it's so good to be home.
and know that when i hit the road,
i'm thinking of you both.
i miss you.
send just one postcard home
and call as often as you can
to tell us how it goes. let us know.
i'm out making you proud,
so don't wait up i'll be home soon.
i'm out of town for now.
you're what makes it home that i'll come back to.
--the starting line: make yourself at home.

i miss the way home used to feel.

up too early
Friday, July 11, 2003 // 07:07 a.m.
as the title clearly explains, i woke up too early this morning, ie, 6am. somehow, my clock got set to one hour ahead. probably did it in my sleep or something. anyway, it's alright. gives me a chance to catch up with things and do productive stuff. sigh. i'll never get that hour back, though. so tired. so weak...cough. heheh :)
as i type, i'm making a cd for my instructor that i've been working with this past week. we taught "deep earth, deep space" this week, so i tried to use songs that only use terms that have to do with space or earth. but that's pretty hard to do, so i ended up just making a cd with a bunch of random songs that i enjoy and hope that she will enjoy. in any case, it's just a cd. it won't break my heart if she throws it out the window. ... :( (heartbroken).
ooh. now i'm hungry and late. see you later!

unordinary
Thursday, July 10, 2003 // 11:26 p.m.
mmm thanks to the robster, i am enjoy the sounds of the stereo, a great band that i can't stop listening to since i copied the cd. :D it's impossible to find their stuff on kazaa or things, so if you would like to sample their music, please let me know. again, props to robby. :) and a happy belated birthday!
46 miles at this point. yesterday ran to indy to play some ball with rob and vy. good things.
today had dinner with kelly. nice to catch up.
optimism has been dropping and i'm sorry if you've been a victim of the whinefest. i'm having trouble looking past financial issues. but scrubs and pilates followed by a phonecall from your best friend and then your boyfriend is the way to go, man. life can be good if you let it be.

i confess to all this mess
Wednesday, July 9, 2003 // 10:26 p.m.
after an almost-fight with my brother, i've realized that i have an underlying frustration that i can't seem to get out. i place a lot of blame on doan and thomas for our family not being able to pay for my tuition. i know it's not true, but i get so angry that they spend my parents' money for pleasure. i mean, i guess we all do it, but they are blowing thousands on stuff we don't need or dumb shit like drugs. i feel guilty for being so angry at them, but i just don't know what to do. i think that they are taking advantage of my parents. then again, who the hell am i to talk? maybe i am just trying to find an outlet for my own guilt. of all the kids, i've probably taken more than my share. ahh. family guilt is the worst because you can't run away from it.

hey jude...
Tuesday, July 8, 2003 // 08:49 p.m.
it's hit me that i've been cursing a lot more as of late. or maybe i have a lot for a long time, but i just realized that it's harder for me to watch my mouth sometimes. or i get incredibly sarcastic and mean and i just can't help myself because i've got to let it out sometime. i've just got to.
continuing with last night's entry, i spent sunday at the beach with my brother, niem, and his twenty-something-friends. hehe. the description is two-fold actually, since his friends are all around 27ish years of age, and there were probably about twenty of them there. (props to alda for the word "two-fold" :D ) the reason i say this was a life-changing experience was not really for the beach, but for the ride back home. before leaving half moon bay, we stopped at a gas station to get some gas. while stopped, i called martin, and niem called his girlfriend, jennifer. this seems obnoxiously detailed right now but it will make sense in a bit. anyway, we headed onto the highway, and there ended up being a huge accident...i'm not sure how many cars were involved, but it happened just before we got on the freeway, because niem's friends, who were just in front of us, had not even seen an accident. so it happened in the time that his friends has passed and while we were getting gas. i'm probably being just way too superstitious, but i am thinking we missed that accident by a couple of minutes. i know it's not really healthy to think "if i had died" thoughts, but for the hell of it: if i had died, the last three people that i had called would've been my mom, ann, and martin.
the reason this makes me kind of sad, but happy, is because i feel so damn lucky that i get to talk to people i love every day. by no means am i saying that those three are the only people i care about, but just knowing that i even have people to care about...it's one of those things you forget or take for granted.
anyway, i don't mean to get all sappy and philosophical, but the mood of the night was somber and grateful. niem and i talked about a lot of different things, and what i realized is that...as cheesy as it is, every minute counts. and what you do with it is yours, good or bad. man. i don't know where i'm going with this exactly, but i wanted to say something like...tell people you love them because it's easy to forget.
ew. before i turn into one of those incredibly cheesy "carpe diem" chain letter e-mails--or maybe it's too late--i will point out that i still don't know what the hell i'm doing with my life. but i'm happy, and i think that's all that matters. right now, at least.
on a card at cody's books: "when one door of happiness closes, another opens: but we often look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." -helen keller.

started work yesterday and it's been a lot of fun so far. the kids are 2nd-4th graders this time, and they are great. and talk about a self-esteem boost! they love me! hahah :D i sound horrible, but it's true. two kids told me they loved me today. ;) 2nd grade is good times, man. life was so good back in 2nd grade. it was all about hanging out with your best friend, being the teacher's pet, refusing to trade string cheese for doritos, and making fun of fanny pack boy (a-jim-hem). lol. :D good f-in times!
also went out with my distant cousins from thailand yesterday...took them out to see legally blonde 2, which was a disappointment. but hanging out with them was fun. today, went to work, came home, did pilates with michelle. was planning to go run tonight but feeling so damn lazy. it's ok. pilates are hardcore enough right now while i'm battling this cold. but as far as running goes, i am at 42.75 miles right now. i haven't been doing a good job of keeping track of it on here, but that's what i have in my planner. i don't think i'll get to 100 by the time i have to leave for LA, but it's cool. i've been doing yoga, pilates, and a whole lot of swimming, so i think that makes up for it. just can't tell my old coach. ;)

help (i need somebody)!
Monday, July 7, 2003 // 11:56 p.m.
coughing uncontrollably is no fun.
neither is waking up achy, tired, congested, and missing people. what's that ataris song that goes something like...never tell anybody anything because you'll just end up missing everybody? i don't know. maybe i made it up. anyway, enough whinefest, things are ok. :)
fourth of july was awesome. lots of fun at bbq at michelle's house...good food, kicked ass in pictionary (isn't that what it's all about?) and saw the old gang together again. always a pleasure to see everybody, and we even got to go to chi's house (cheesehouse..nyuk nyuk nyuk!) for fireworks. thanks chi! :) we finished the evening by returning to michelle's house and watching "how to lose a guy in 10 days". yes, a second time for me but i think i liked it even more this second time. very charming movie, although i can't help but get an anti-asian vibe from it. maybe i'm just crazy, but it sucks that the asian girl played the annoying magazine columnist and the evil boss person always wore asian-style clothing. just a coincidence? perhaps. i know i can be a little crazy but i have the right to believe whatever i want. one positive thing i learned from sheena, i guess.
anyway, saturday was good fun. went to chinese school (late! ahh!) and then picked up ann. headed to emeryville for the great ikea tax-free event (bought cute things!) and then drove to berkeley. hung out there at cody's books and ate dinner at manhattan bagels...got sorta lost, returned to romantic spot by a body of water...haha even ann said it was romantic ok?! damn ya'll. hahah. :D anyway, drove to sf for gelato but couldn't find it...drove along pier and ended up on freeway home on accident but it was getting late anyhow. ate dessert at "hello desserts!" in ranch99market area and dropped ann off. thanks for the sunglasses ann darling! :) and sneaking money into my car. tsk tsk. :D lubyous.
sunday went to bakery to help out for a while...right after that went to the beach with niem and a bunch of his friends. lots of fun. more about that another time, i'm exhausted and gotta go to work tomorrow. besides, it was kind of a life-changing experience. hehe. you'll see. have a good night folks. sorry if i sound all rushed!

falling apart!
Friday, July 4, 2003 // 12:08 a.m.
help.
and happy 4th of july. as dina said, "yay for america and freedom!" ha.
in celebration, here are some sad/bittersweet/fun exploding dog pics:
maybe next time
are you broken?
one day god looked down and said...
there was nothing i could do.
all you need is love.
there are more, and probably less morbid pictures. just visit explodingdog for more fun. :)

p.s. thanks chi and bri for the guestbook love. :)

the night life.
Thursday, July 3, 2003 // 12:37 a.m.
feels like i haven't been up this late in a long time, but i think it's just that i haven't been on a computer this late in a long time. weird how our lives get so dependent on late-night conversations with old friends that you hardly talk to in person anymore.
i know i said my next entry would be one with all kinds of updates about what's been going on lately, but i am kind of tired of reviewing things. i hope you don't mind. i will eventually get to it, all the stories of the last couple of weeks. or maybe it will be in this entry, i just don't know it yet. i just have a lot on my mind, and it would be nice to get it out without any plan or preset subject.
i miss ann. come home please?
a part of me wishes that i really did go to davis to visit. i'm sorry that i didn't. doesn't help that i lied to my parents about visiting sd either. lately i'm sensing that my mom can read me better. and i don't know if she can tell. anyway, it's a heavy feeling.
not that sd wasn't fun and good, and i miss martin like crazy too, but i am not sure if my priorities are set straight right now.
got my financial aid package from usc today. bigger than last year, but the cost has been driven up, too. so we're actually paying more and taking out bigger loans. damn. i don't know what to do. i guess the only thing i can do is go through with this next year, since i'm already bound by contracts to be an RA...and i don't really want to go to san jose state for a year and then transfer to another school for junior year. still don't know what classes to take next semester. my schedule is not finalized at all. i'm so screwed.
a year ago, i was working at the right start and the summer felt long. i was just getting into the starting line and i was lonely and moody. funny how some things change (the former) but some things stay the same (the latter). and, same as last year, i remembered to wish daniel a happy birthday. so again, happy birthday daniel. do things i don't approve of. heh.
actually, looking back on my pitas for the past 2 years around this time, i've been particuarly miserable and lonely. i'm not really sure why this is, but maybe i just need for things to slow down. everything is moving too fast, it seems.
funny, and kind of embarassing, reading over entries from two years ago. hehe. the things i thought were important to mention are such bullshit. hahahah. awh but i'm being hard on myself, right? :P i've read plenty worse pitas, dammit. DAMMIT! . :)
yeah i'm sorta moody. but not sad. just a lot of crazy thoughts running through my mind. and i hope that by travelling so much, i am not running away from anything. i just miss you. you means you. heh. and i'm sorry if i've let some friendships start to slip away. god i feel so damn guilty sometimes. and i don't know what for. growing up, i guess.

drop baby, drop.
Wednesday, July 2, 2003 // 11:30 p.m.
daaaamn it's been long since i've written here. i'm sorry. feels like all of my writing has been on an airplane as of late. anyway, i promise a big fat entry is on its way. it is cooking up in my real-life journal. including details about the trip, and what i've been doing since then. i know you're just DYING to know :p hahah. most of you have lives i know.. (but for those of you that don't... :D )
i kid, i kid. i kid 'cause i love.
just got back from a nice little getaway to san diego with martin. coming back home is almost a rude awakening, but it's nice to have vegetables. hard to live with three guys who believe that real men eat RED MEAT. heheh.

home sweet home.
Sunday, June 22, 2003 // 08:44 a.m.
the trip was great, but it's so nice to be home.
this was really a once-in-a-lifetime experience...one that i'm glad i didn't pass up. it's strange what money can do to your head, and how it affects what strangers think of you. i can't describe how it feels when you roll into a place in a limo and passerbys peek in, trying to figure out who's inside. man. made me feel like a rockstar. :) heh.
the trip had its ups and downs, though, and though it was only a week long, it felt like a few weeks. this is cliche to say, but i did learn a lot about myself and other people...maybe some things i wish i didn't learn. but i guess travelling forces you to find and lose yourself faster than you knew you could.
anyway, more on everything, and all the details later. :) gotta finish chinese homework and go to school. THEN i can tell you everything. in the meantime, you can check out pictures here. oh, i also got a new phone. muahahaha. finally! hot damn! :D i still have my old one, so call me for the number. ;)

california, here i come...
Thursday, June 12, 2003 // 07:39 p.m.
not that i'm not in california as it is. :) but feels like i'll be travelling the coast and then the entire country real soon, which is weird. tomorrow, we're visiting ann in davis, and then on saturday i am flying to LA to spend a night with martin and alda, and then on sunday my bro's gonna pick me up and bring me back to his apartment. from there, a limo will pick us up and bring us to the chateau marmont. wooooh. :D unbelievable.
i'm psyched, but suddenly the summer seems too short. i'll be gone till next saturday, then i have work for a week, and then i'm off to martin's for a few days in san diego! damn. i should get frequent flyer miles. hehe. but yeah...then 3 more weeks of work and then i'm done with summer. back to LA for some wholesome, hardcore RA training. heheh :D i'm excited, but it surprises me how quickly this is all going.
another thing that makes the summer seem shorter is that yesterday was the first day that a bunch of my ihs friends got together. and it was superfun..made me realize how much i love them and how glad i am that i have a place in our group. awh. you guys are awesome. so glad i can be weird and you guys won't think anything of it. :)
so i'm using this salary wizard thing to see how much money i could make as an optometrist (average pay: $86,260), a high school teacher ($52,012--ouch), a principal ($75,235--not too shabby, eh, ms.vaeth? :D ), and a pediatrician ($158,480--nice but too much school! damn...) in san jose, CA. a little depressing, but there's gotta be other options. won't somebody send me a sign?!?!
miles run today: 2.75
miles total: 32.75

yoga for abs
Wednesday, June 11, 2003 // 11:11 a.m.
instead of swimming this morning, michelle and i did yoga for abs. pretty fun stuff, except it's hard to convince yourself that you're actually working out. feels more like just a lot of stretching. didn't even break a sweat. :p
i haven't been keeping my running log updated, so here's what i've been doing since the last time:
miles run since: 9
miles total now: 30
ooh. workin' it. haha. soon enough, i'll get my hundred miles in. i don't know though because i realized how much i'm going to be travelling now. well, i guess it's not a WHOLE lot but it's still kind of a lot, especially since i didn't really expect to travel at all this summer. but woo-eee i am excited.
ok, time to get things done for the indy kids' graduation. damn. can't believe you guys are graduating. now i feel REALLY old. :D

chillin with the chillens.
Monday, June 9, 2003 // 12:14 a.m.
ooh yah. that's bj snuffles on the side there. i thought it would be nice to have a bit of picture love. and i'll try to change the picture from time to time.
things were crazy hectic till about 2 today, when i realized that the post office was closed on sundays. D'OH. so sad. feeling sort of dumb, but that feeling comes and goes sometimes. :) anyway...yesterday's party was pretty fun. managed to leave with people thinking highly of me and no relatives having called me "fat" or "chubby". oh joyous occasion! i was pretty excited, and it was fun to play with the kids.
chinese school was better today--i kind of knew what was going on, and i remembered some stuff from doing homework and stuff. wow! it's great to get such fast results. also, it turns out that there is a girl there that is 15--closer to my age, at least. and she goes to independence! that's pretty cool. :) i am glad to have a friend that is someone that i can talk to a little more.
the great thing about talking to kids is that there is never any awkwardness. they're so smart, but they haven't been through the whole shpiel about having etiquette and stuff. so there's never any need to talk, no uncomfortable silences. kids are just kind of chill like that. heh.
here are some pictures, although you do have to register to imagestation.com to see them. :) but i swear it doesn't take very much time at all and it's a lot nicer than webshots. go see for yourself! :) i'm gonna call it a night and go to bed.