amy elizabeth.
hugs and kisses to the one i misses. :)
thank you, pitas.
wishlist!
-books. the ones you think i should read. :)
-scarves, gloves. thanks lindsay!
-happy heart scent by clinique.
-about a boy book/dvd. thanks minz!
-pilates videos.
-digital camera. (riiight.)
-nalgene water bottle. thanks ann!
-pajama pants/shorts. thanks gabe!
-workout clothes. (xs)
-love. awh. heh.
2003
// driving.
// last song.
// breathe.
// revisitinghome.
// happy endings.
// better luck.
// scatterbrained.
// lovefool.
2002
// unprepared.
// cups of coffee.
// the outcome.
// moving in.
// leaving.
// milestones.
// unyielding.
// gloomy.
// bridge.
// voice.
2001
// snowfall.
// thunderstorm.
// awkward.
// broken.
// change.
// lucky.
// kiss.
// original.
// busy.
// crush.
// sparkle.
// shine.
2000
// wish.
// mistake.
// tragedy.
// please.
// complicated.
// lather.
// rinse.
dude. baby that's the reason why i love you. necessary updates i'm living off your photographs. don't wake me, i plan on sleeping in. til there was you. scrubs. exhale. ramblings of a post-teen. 'cause my heart won't be your rag doll anymore. still, it hits me sometimes.
you said never to use the word lightly. so i sometimes wonder if you mean it. scrabble. one more thing... hope. shabashoooo. polka dots! as an afterthought...
you love her, you need her.
i couldn't watch you walk away and not forget it.
if i lose you, could you find me?
not a day goes by that i don't think twice about it. a day of defeat. ey, steve! win a date with...
the atlantic was born today and i'll tell you how: a bear in the road.
there are other parts, but i think these are the parts that are the least generic. interesting, huh? yet i can't say what's going on. chocolate cake fixes everything. garden gnomes. fifteen. headstrong. i lika do da cha cha. justified. the refuge that you choose to leave. never again.
Thursday, February 19, 2004 // 03:40 a.m.
i just finished my paper, which i think is pretty damn good for having been written so last-minute like this. what a rush! hahah.
unfortunately, i had a whole can of red bull earlier so i'm going nuts and can't sleep. but i wanted to say hi and prove that i totally stuck it to the man and said, "paper, i am going to stick it to you." and paper said, "ok." so i had its consent.
...and this is what happens when amy gets caffeine in her system. i'm not even being funny, and that's kind of sad.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004 // 01:42 a.m.
just a few things i love about my residents: (in no particular order)
1. coming back from grueling days and seeing messages on my board.
2. being able to do mushy stuff like kissing them on the forehead before i go to bed.
3. getting random little gifts for no reason.
4. knowing that if i fall asleep on my bed while i am reading (which happens nearly every day), they will close my door for me and proceed to make fun of me when i wake up.
5. they understand that i have ADD and they won't get mad if they have to repeat things several times over.
...who sez this job don't pay enough? :D
Tuesday, February 17, 2004 // 11:37 p.m.
exciting news? i am going to utah this spring break for a program called "alternative spring break"...which combines a community service aspect with some sort of overall theme. anyway, this particular trip is to go to navajo nation, which is where we'll be working on houses and things and having programs on intercultural awareness. i am very excited :)
i didn't get the internship in asia, which i'm sort of sad about, but it's alright. i kind of knew, after the interview, that i wouldn't get it. it's ok. that means that this summer i'll hopefully be working as a summer RA and also as a tour guide...and possibly pick up a third job if i'm not getting enough hours. so it's like, the first time ever that i think i might actually make some kind of bank in the summer. it's also the first time i'll be away from home for the entire summer. wooh. it's like camp. hee.
you gotta check out jamisonparker. they're amazing. i am very much in love with them. i had to mention that in case i forget.
um. the next time i break down and start to think that i will never recover, remind me that i am twenty years young and the best is still yet to come. :)
Monday, February 16, 2004 // 04:01 p.m.
last night i told my mum that i would not be coming home for spring break, and i would be working here at sc over the summer. so the next time she might see me is thanksgiving.
i thought she'd be surprised and sad, but she actually encouraged me to and said that it sounded like a good idea. :( i feel unloved.
Monday, February 16, 2004 // 01:04 a.m.
boy. what a weekend.
one day left, but i am overwhelmed with work. and there is a tickle in my throat! i need da echinacea. :)
this was the much-anticipated weekend trip to san diego, but i knew a big part of me was afraid about it. and my fears were confirmed in that i really couldn't think about anything but martin the entire time at sd. try as i might, it really just felt impossible. i guess it doesn't help that this would've been sort of our one-year anniversary, and that we were at his school, maybe a five-minute walk away from where he lives, and visiting places that he took me for the first time. just a very unpleasant combination, doomed from the start. and the whole valentine's day thing, you know how that goes.
but despite everything, i had a good time with some of the original gangsta crew. hehe. it was good to see everybody again, although (and this is my cynical side talking) i know that everyone is sort of slipping into their separate lives that i will never be able to relate to completely. and that's ok. we'll make conversation on reminiscing and gossip. yeah, i know, i sound really bitter.
i don't feel bad about it though. it happens all the time, and you know that with some people, it doesn't matter how much time passes--they will always be there when you're going through a crisis. friendship is a two way street, and if i didn't meet you halfway, it's probably because there was no effort coming from the opposite direction. there's no need to make anyone feel guilty about anything. i won't hold anything against you if i honestly didn't put in the effort myself.
i guess i have a lot of anger in me still. and i don't know where to direct it or how to unload it. i have a hard time cutting people out of my life, but i guess it's a necessary process sometimes. i don't know. that sort of makes me sad, but thinking about it practically, i suppose it makes sense. i'm just rambling at this point.
so yes, friends and food=good. sd and recalling memories=bad. valentine's day=chocolate=really, really good.
it's all very confusing and i think i'm taking out my anger on the wrong people. for that, i'm sorry. i guess the people that i am angry at, i can't talk to.
Friday, February 13, 2004 // 05:13 a.m.
i always seem to ask the wrong questions, and make the wrong discoveries.
still, is it really five am? and did tonight really just happen?
goosebumps. and apologies. because it seems like every good thing these days comes with a bittersweet lining. and every good moment still makes me cry. if only others could see me the way you do.
Thursday, February 12, 2004 // 01:07 a.m.
too many reasons to be giddy. :D i hope this is healthy.
went out to dinner with the tour guide people tonight...eep i love the staff so much :) everyone is so awesome and easy to talk to. i am so glad that i am doing this.
i think i still talk about you way too much. need to stop myself every once in a while.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004 // 03:20 p.m.
just got interviewed by someone from the daily trojan. dude. the press makes me nervous. good thing i got outta there while i could! :p
let's hope they don't make me sound stupid come tomorrow's paper. eeep.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004 // 02:11 a.m.
damn. it just hit me right now that i am a whopping twenty years old (eep!) and still writing in a teenybopper pita. hehe. it's ok, i love it. and yet i wonder...should i switch to lj?
Wednesday, February 11, 2004 // 01:41 a.m.
maroon 5 is so good for soothing the embittered soul. hehe.
so it's done. brian and i decided to officially withdraw from the race. no name on the ballot, no presidential debates, no constant interviews and endorsements. :( but it also means no more worrying, spending hundreds of dollars, trying to come up with designs that aren't quite good enough. i am ok with it.
actually, i am really happy about it. these past couple of weeks have been so stressful, i barely even realized it. and the ultimate tattletale was my face--man does that thing break out when i am under pressure! haha. which is no good for the publicity photos, if you know what i'm sayin. :D but i am ok now, and i feel really good about next year. there is certainty in next year.
also, i really plan to run for president for the 05-06 schoolyear. sure, i could take on an internship, but if i get the chance, i'd really like to do something to give back to the school, and maybe change a few things. i believe in directo and ball to fix things (if they get elected, which i hope they do), but in case there is still unfinished business, i will be happy to take on the challenge. and i will be better prepared by then, hopefully. i can see it all now... :)
so now, life is good. step aerobics is uberfun--i recommend it to anyone, but particularly the brokenhearted. hehe. it's a great way to get yourself laughing at, well, yourself, and to have fun and be good to your heart and wear cute spandex. lol. maybe not so much for the boys, but it's definitely one of those classes that you look forward to, and it's very high-energy. plus the teacher has the best jock jams i've ever heard! dear god. i don't know what cds they are, but i will summon the guts to ask her someday.
besides that, apo is doing wonderfully, and i'm not sure if i posted this itty bitty factoid yet, but i got the senior RA position for next year! haha. which means i will be living in the same building for the THIRD YEAR in a row. eep. but i am excited and i really look forward to next year. annnd for valentine's weekend i am going to san diego to be reunited with the aquad girls and tennis boys--excitement! :) tour guide dinner at bucca's tomorrow...and the only bad thing is that my wisdom teeth are coming in and being mean to the other teeth. :(
all in all, things are good. and i've realized that it's nice to feel like you are good at something, and i feel like i am good at being an RA. hip hip hooray! i am finding consistency in my life, and a kind of certainty--mixed with just enough risk and chance for possibilities.
Monday, February 9, 2004 // 02:21 a.m.
thank you everybody for the birthday wishes and love. i am lucky and grateful :)
things have been exhausting as of late. and yet i still can't get to sleep till 5 or so in the morning. friday night after an APO big sib/little sib night (i love my big sib! :) we went to a party at regal trojan...hosted by none other than another APO member, mike--my new peanut butter buddy! hehe :) had a really good time, and it's a different experience to be around a whole group of new people. i'm not sure if i ever explained, but APO is a community service frat...so think interact with a social aspect. it's really fun and i am glad that i'm pledging. all the people i've met are awesome and i think the pledge class beats zeta by a thousand :D not to talk ish, but that's just how i honestly feel. i like that it's co-ed too. being surrounded by girls 24/7 is no good for the chemicals in your body, so i've read.
saturday i couldn't sleep past 11am for god knows why, but i was sort of tired all day, which was sort of disappointing. heh. but we went out to rainforest cafe in downtown disney for dinner! hootie hoo. lots of fun--and lindsay, thanks for calling all the way from scotland!! :) i was so happy to hear your voice again. miss you so much.
after dinner we went to the espn zone (now a tradition, i think, due to last and this year's success :)) and played for a while. hehe. good shizzle, and we did the rock climbing wall again...and i must boast that i got to the top! woohoo. thank goodness for these guns, bebe. hahah :D
...as for the rest of the night, i am speechless still.
Friday, February 6, 2004 // 04:02 a.m.
remember when you thought you were in love with somebody that you never even knew?
or when you really were in love with somebody, but you knew better than that.
it's funny how you can fall in love with an image, a somebody that you're not sure even exists.
i think i've fallen in love with a livejournal. haha. :D
...still, there is something to be said for the empty space in your heart that can somehow be filled up with loving someone like a sister, or a child.
and that, my friends, is why i want to have kids.
Friday, February 6, 2004 // 03:24 a.m.
can i just say that i know him? :D and that i had a crush on him WAY before american idol. lol. let's hope he doesn't find this. even if he does, i have a lot of respect for him having kept his integrity and humility through all of this. even when i see him getting jocked like crazy in the cafeteria and whatnot. :) it's really cute. he's a good guy and i'm proud of him, even though i can't take any credit for any of his talent. just thought i'd share so i can add to his fanbase. ;)
Friday, February 6, 2004 // 03:13 a.m.
there's hope after all. no day of the locusts here. sometimes all it takes is that one moment of clarity when you make a decision and you know it was right.
can't say what it is yet because it's just a "break". heh. i am so capricious it's scary.
i'm going to take a breather. and i'm going to stop feeling so damn guilty. because i deserve to be happy, dammit! at least for a little bit. :)
thank you for standing by me.
Wednesday, February 4, 2004 // 12:45 a.m.
just wanted to say hi and i'm still breathing...barely. :p
giddy and excited about things. it's good to feel...good. :)
hope all is well. this week is crazy, but things will calm down in a couple of weeks.
Sunday, February 1, 2004 // 01:26 a.m.
dude. i totally bought pink and red polkadot shorts yesterday at victoria's secret. they are awesome. it feels all cute and valentinesy. :D
saw "the perfect score" yesterday, and i was really pleased. leonardo nam, aka "the asian guy", does an amazing job and gives a performance that steals every scene. i am so proud of my asian brotha. :D and so glad that they made him a three-dimensional character with really good lines. he has one line that is my absolute favorite: "a lot of people think that these questions are difficult. not me. these questions have answers."
he's so deep. hehe. no but i loved it. i loved seeing the asian guy steal the scene and make everybody crack up--not because he was playing some shitty stereotypical role but because he was silly and smart and had reasons for what he was doing. i don't know. it's really cool. gives me the same hope that better luck tomorrow had instilled in me. hooray!
i think i can see myself writing film critiques for the rest of my life. it combines two of my loves: cinema and writing. plus, i think i'm pretty decent at it. not to mention i go to one of the best cinema schools in the nation--booyah. :D so there you have it. one of my possible careers; right behind cartoon character voice-over and rockstar. :)
so it's been decided that yes, i am running for student senate president. i know. it's a long story and i must admit that i still feel very unsure about it. but if you'd like to help out with campaigning, even if you don't go to sc (i've already got an sd and a stanford recruit ;) i would really appreciate any sort of help, particularly with design/slogans. honestly, we could really use it :)
haven't gotten too bad of a case of the shoobies as of late, which is a good thing. :) vy sez to keep that existential stuff in mind, and that helps quite a bit. it all ends up the same, and i'm sadly coming to the conclusion that, in the end, they're all the same. so, no worries. just gotta do the best i can, however i can. with or without.
Thursday, January 29, 2004 // 02:06 a.m.
you lose it just to find it
and as you walk right by it
you forget how you got there
and why you never meant to stay.
and i won't watch you waste away
and i won't fake another day.
and one truth leads you to five
i still don't believe in your reasons why.
i just don't believe in why.
to feel is to believe her.
you know it, you want it
you just can't believe you've got it.
and i can't watch you waste away
but i won't beg you still to stay
and if one truth leads you to five
i still don't believe in your reasons why.
i just don't believe in why.
i couldn't watch you turn to stone and just
regret a single day. not a single day.
or would you walk right by me?
the soul and the spirit each have got their own limit.
and i can't waste another second
living in hell like it's some kind of heaven.
and if one truth leads to another,
then isn't there one i can uncover?
there isn't one that i will not discover.
-beth orton: feel to believe
Thursday, January 29, 2004 // 01:48 a.m.
i am overwhelmed, frustrated, disappointed, sorry, angry and sad.
overwhelmed because i'm afraid i've taken on far too much this semester. more than i can handle and i am regretting it.
frustrated because it feels like there is no way out. i've committed to things, and it's too late to think to leave.
disappointed because i can't believe you could betray my trust and friendship, and manipulate it this way.
sorry because i lost you.
angry because i am shocked at how many stupid people are out there. stupidity is deadly, but ignorance is worse. don't tell me you go to a top tier university and you don't know empathy, you fucker.
sad because i don't know how to face this alone.
Sunday, January 25, 2004 // 07:11 a.m.
it is far too early to be up.
i couldn't go back to sleep and i noticed that the steve (the RA, not the car) was awake and we got into a full-fledged conversation about strongbad. he's not a fan, but i managed to show him some of "the best of the best". now he's not talking to me and playing the video games featured on one of the newer e-mails.
i've decided that i am better at being close with people that have the same sense of humor as me. if they don't have the same sense of humor or can't even understand my sense of humor, there is less trust because i can't be comfortable around them. it's not just a matter of being able to get along or relate, it's that i use my humor as a defense mechanism and if people can accept that in a way that doesn't seem threatening to me, then i can trust them more. random, but something i realized in recent nights. you can try all you want but i don't think i will ever be close to you. because you make me feel left out and stupid and i don't really care to try anymore.
heh. i'm a total loser to be quoting myself, but i was reading my written journal, and i think this is a funny, bittersweet excerpt that relates to the above topic. and yes, i know i have far too much time on my hands to be writing in 2 different journals (3 if you count the xanga) and re-reading them both:
"i sometimes get worried, still, because i seem to be attracted to guys that i have nothing in common with, and the boys i get along with best, i am not attracted to at all. and for this, i miss martin and his 2-in-1 combo." :D
i am the biggest nerd ever. but it's true. i do get worried that nothing better will come along. but i've decided that i have to be ok, no matter what. it just doesn't work any other way.
by the way, i don't know why my uterus hates me. but it certainly does. :p back to bed now.
Saturday, January 24, 2004 // 01:20 a.m.
shamelessly, i saw the new movie with the always adorable topher grace and josh duhamel...also known as tad hamilton. swoon. :D
cute movie. best line: "sometimes, goliath kicks the shit out of david." poetry, baby. heh.
parts of the movie catches me off guard because it makes me remember what it was like to look at someone and see him in his element...in his own perfection. and i remember what it was like to be so enamored and impressed with the every day things. and it's nice to be in love with someone just for the little things they do...and it's like every day is a pleasant surprise.
i'm such a nerd for gathering all of this loose emotion from some teenybopper movie.
did you know that only 10 percent of our communication is represented by the words we say? another 30 percent is represented by our sounds, and 60 percent by our body language. i got that out of "the seven habits of highly effective people", which is getting better and better towards the end. though it sounds like major cheese factor, it's a good book, and i think that fact is amazing. communication is so important, yet people are so bad at it. and there are misunderstandings, and failures, and loss. all because we don't know how to say how we feel.
the clouds above opened up and let it out.
i was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
when the water filled every hole.
and thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
making islands where no island should go.
oh no.
...
the rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands
to your door have been silenced forever more.
the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
it seems farther than ever before
oh no.
i need you so much closer.
death cab for cutie: transatlanticism.
Friday, January 23, 2004 // 12:30 a.m.
aubrey made me take this test that supposedly measures how happy you are in life at this particular point. when i get the link from her, i'll post it, but i got some interesting results. overall, i am "stressed but functioning":
As you reflect upon your general situation in life an emotionally
charged problem predominates. There is an unresolved problem that is hurting
you now, and making you feel anxious. A thorn is in your side and
causing great distress.
In the sphere of intimacy you trust and spend time with people in many
ways. However, not all people are trustworthy.
You feel that you have been treated wonderfully in intimate
relationships. There is a sense of enjoyment.
You are in denial that people have hurt you in relationships. You fool
yourself into thinking you deserve to be treated this way.
The overwhelming problem in your life is seeing yourself as being hurt
by someone possessing qualities of this life form.
this has been a crazy week. ha! only 3 days of school and i'm talking about how crazy it's been. jeez. i don't know. funny how the littlest things can change your mind.
sometimes i dig down deep and can find the reasons. and i can't figure out how to feel about it all. is it just that i think too much? i bet that's it. nobody else seems to have this problem, except maybe for ann but we all know she's crazy :) i'm just kidding, babe. if you're crazy, so am i. i analyze everything to death, and it's so stupid. maybe it's human nature. maybe we all need a distraction. trying to fill up these voids that we create for ourselves by pushing people out of our lives. i want to stop looking for a distraction. why does it seem like such a horrible thing to be unhappy? the truth is, there IS no truth in the pursuit of happiness. so i don't want to feel guilty anymore, for being unhappy. i don't mean to be a burden.
i just can't shut people out of my life like that. and a psychoanalyst can give me a million reasons why that is but i don't want to take a pill and try cure it, avoid it and be afraid it of for the rest of my life.
it's silly. i'm babbling. i need to find another outlet for the things running through my head.
Wednesday, January 21, 2004 // 11:08 p.m.
if some handsome young man out there can play "cannonball" by damien rice on guitar, i will marry you. :)
that song is so good. it was on the oc tonight, too. you know what that means. he's gonna get mainstream and i will be sad. and he will no longer be mine. shoobs. ain't that always the way?
it's been a good day. crazy, but good. and i am eager to hit the hay. i think i'm going to decline running for senate this year though. it just seems like maybe too much for right now. one thing at a time, yunno? see how things go day by day. and i want to expand my horizons. i want time to think and have time alone and just to breathe. i like how things are right now. a little hectic, but i can handle it. no more going crazy. well, not crazy in a bad way. always crazy in an amy kind of way. :)
Wednesday, January 21, 2004 // 01:09 a.m.
wow. what a crazy weekend it's been...kind of the epitome of "work hard, play hard" motto. i crammed in studying for my chinese vocab test while getting most of the reading for my classes done, and i feel like i've been working on applications since forever. but it's been good, especially because the "play" aspect of it all has been pretty amazingly fun. i've forgotten what it feels like just to dance and let go. i haven't danced like this since high school--and whaddyaknow, mr. g was the dj at the VCN afterparty last night, which was pretty funny because i never thought i'd ever hear his dj-ing again after high school. anyway, good times...lots of familiar faces and feeling good about things. definitely learning to appreciate the ghetto booty. :D
today was a hectic return back to school, especially because mindy and i stayed out till 2ish last night. but in the end, it all slows down and things feel...not quite right, but getting there. :) it's good to have hope, and i'm ok. sorry if i've worried some of you...sometimes you dwell on what you've lost so much that you forget what you have. i am grateful, and still, i am sorry.
Saturday, January 17, 2004 // 12:43 a.m.
today has proven to be interesting enough. couldn't sleep at all last night, been feeling kind of out of it and wanting to be social but it almost feels like i'm forcing it.
so this is where my fear of being alone has brought me. :p
this morning, got up to act in mindy's first film, "all you need is love". i was bitter, i was angry, kicked some dogs and rocked out to incubus. heheh. not real dogs, of course. i hate watching myself on camera, but this was somewhat bearable. does my face really look like that though? no wonder people say i have funny expressions. i'm like a friggin cartoon character.
afterwards, i had tour guide training which was actually pretty awesome. it's nice, one of the guys lived in marks last year and another guy was in circle this past semester, so i don't feel all alone on this. but everyone is supernice and really friendly anyway, and it's a great work atmosphere. it strikes me as kind of funny how nice everybody is, and it's genuine. sometimes in the RA work environment, you get the feeling like people are faking it, because that's sometimes part of the job, especially when dealing with the residents that aren't...well, a pleasure to be around. :p and i'm not talking shit about any RAs, i am just saying that it kind of comes with the territory. i might even go so far as to say it can be considered a skill, to an extent. i dunno, i'm going crazy and developing pointless theories. it was just something i noticed, is all. and i think the different type of professional but friendly atmosphere will be good for me. there is nothing more refreshing than being around people who are real.
another thing that happened during training is our supervisor told us why we were hired. wow! how nice. :) like an instant self-esteem boost. it gets better: she joked and told us that people often say we get hired in part because we are "attractive". heehee. :D i'm a goober, but this just made me giddy because i could never imagine being considered as part of the "attractive" population of sc. and while i know that her joke didn't bear any truth, it was one of those things that you hear and you kind of giggle. hee.
we received these tour guide handbooks that are like the bible of all tour guide handbooks or something, because we're not supposed to show it to anybody and we can't share it and we had to sign contracts to swear we wouldn't release this kind of information. apparently, it's the key to usc's touring success. isn't that funny? i think it's awesome, and it makes me feel important. :) haha. but the way it was presented to us, it was like...this is your bible. read it every night before you go to bed. :D i love it! i went a little crazy today when brian picked it up and cracked it open...he looked through it for like 10 minutes! i told him that it made me uncomfortable that he was reading it...then a few more minutes, he still was reading through it, and finally i grabbed it out of his hands and put it away with an: "i said...it makes me feel uncomfortable."
yes, i know that makes me incredibly anal.
i'm not sure why i've been on the edge so much lately. i think i need alone time but i'm afraid to give it to myself because i don't want to get sad anymore. and i know, i should be over it by this time, and i thought i would be too, but there are still some days that don't seem to go by quickly enough.
being productive does a body good, so i'm gonna go ahead and do that. have a great weekend...three days! hootie hoo.
Thursday, January 15, 2004 // 01:30 a.m.
i miss you. life just isn't the same without you.
Tuesday, January 13, 2004 // 8:52 p.m.
you people disgust me.
wait, don't go! i don't mean it, honestly! i'm just in grumpfest right now. being an authority figure, limited as it is, makes you see how senseless and stupid people can be. as if you don't see enough ignorance and stupidity in everyday life--even when you try to retreat to the safety of your home there are STILL assholes that come along and do dumb shit to your hall. it's ok though. i will see that they get punished. PUNISHED, I SAY.
so i don't really know why i've been going crazy lately. it could be because...you know. well, you know. heh. classes are ok though. yesterday i started with a delightful 3:30 class...my only class on mondays and wednesdays, sociology. today i had my other 4 classes: american lit, step aerobics (woohoo!), history of religion, and chinese I. for the most part, they are entertaining, although history of religion has like 2 people in it, i swear. it's the smallest class i've ever been in and that weirds me out. but hopefully it's good. i dunno. if anything, i figure the readings will be kind of cool. chinese rocks though! it's great to be in a class where everybody's a beginner and you're messing up left and right and nobody really cares because everyone feels a little stupid. :)
last night i saw pirates of the caribbean for the first time. good movie! i was skeptical, but i was very impressed. and people are right, it's just the right amount of funny mixed in with adventure...and johnny depp does an amazing job of being somewhat fruity and also tough. haha. he cracks me up. i think daniel will take it as a compliment when i saw that his character reminds me of him. but i wouldn't go as far to say that daniel is anywhere near as sexy as johnny depp is. so nuhhh.
anyway, i get to go to meetings now where i will yell at people and possibly lose my patience. better bring some popcorn or something. :D
Sunday, January 11, 2004 // 01:57 a.m.
just watched "bruce almighty" with mindypoo :) fun times! i love that movie. it cracks me up, even after the third time. although i get more and more offended by the way the stereotypical latino "homies" are portrayed. actually, the acting for the most part, is pretty horrible in general, except for the main characters i think. meh.
big bear was pretty fun...not too many complaints here. our cabin was lovely, but there were not really enough places to sleep. so you know what that meant...all the boys had to sleep on the floor. :D we went TUBING. which rocks my socks, except now i have battle scars because when we were trying to link up as a big circle going down the hill, my two linkees accidentally let me go and i went flying. haha. face-first into the snow, baby. :p now there's a mark on my chin and some scratches on the nose. :( it's ok. one of the ra's was saying that at least it makes a good story. i suppose that is true. besides that mishap, tubing was definitely a highlight. at first it's kind of scary, but it's like a rollercoaster! what a rush :D anyway, i'll put pictures up when i get them developed.
the new semester starts in a couple of days, and i am excited. mindy and i made a few resolutions ourselves--one of which is to go out and party more. you only live once, right? plus the minz is lookin for loooove. :D this kind of seems to contradict the other resolution, but i'm going to try hard to get all A's this semester. i'm not pulling this 3-point-anything anymore. i told myself that i could ace any class as long as it's not a science class, so i shouldn't have a problem. hopefully, anyway. time to start aiming a little higher.
Friday, January 9, 2004 // 12:06 a.m.
gar. might have to make the drive to big bear tomorrow. which is ok, and probably won't be that bad if i try to look at the bright side, but i am sad for my poor car. it's taken so much abuse in the last week and i'm worried for it. i'm sorry steve. i love you.
i've realized that my car, steve, is my one true love. it knows more about me than anybody ever will.
lovely drive back to LA yesterday. happy to be back at sc, though there will always been some things that i miss about san jose, particularly the people. but i've missed my residents a lot, and my staff and you know. the shmooze. but. shoobs.
i promise i'll change the colors on this when i get the chance. in the meantime, i guess i have to get to bed in case i do have to drive tomorrow. i'm sure it will be fine, i'm just blah-y and suddenly in not so good of a mood. sometimes i'm so easygoing that i'm practically asking to be stepped on. and this i know. i just have to work on it.
anyway, snow tomorrow! bright side of things. literally :)
Monday, January 5, 2004 // 11:27 a.m.
still a little bit of your taste in my mouth.
still a little bit of you laced with my doubt.
still a little hard to say what's going on.
-damien rice: cannonball.
Friday, January 2, 2004 // 07:05 p.m.
happy 2004!
it better be, anyway. :p
so my new years resolutions? you don't get to know. :D actually, they're much like last year's resolutions with an added few. one of them i really really need to work on is to stop cursing so much. gotta turn it down a notch, because you know, it's not ladylike. heh. whatever. i've just decided it's no good to keep any kind of anger or attitude like that bottled in. i'm gonna will myself to be a little more positive than i have been in these last few months. it's time to get over the past--it only holds you back.
so. among other things, i'm going to try and be a little more focused on learning from an experience instead of dwelling on it. me, dwell? never. :p alright, alright. all the damn time. it's ok. i'm over it man!
so, new year's was delightful. unexpectedly, there was drinking at my house, and i was actually sort of grateful for the chance. hoorah to smirnoffs and how it's so damn smoot(h). hahaha. yeeks. corruption.
yesterday i drove to davis to hang out with annie bananie. fun times! and her and janice's apartment is supercute. i'm jealous. can i come to davis? :) puh-leeease?
we went to mimi's for lunch (thanks, ann!) and then shopped for a while...met up with gary for dinner in downtown sac (thanks, gary!) and took pictures that resembled cheesy dance pictures with the caption "strangers in the night" or something silly like that. haha. then i had to return home so my mum wouldn't know that i deliberately disobeyed her by driving in the storm. :| dun dun dun. i know. such a bad child. but it was worth it. it was good to see you. :)
alrighty. thanks to everyone that came to celebrate the coming of the new year and those that were there in spirit. :) lots of love.